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What Now, This International Day of the Boy Child

They call us men and put diabolic expectations on us. However, we’re not expected to cry out to the pain but hold our own till the end. As a man, it is expected of you to protect, no matter the amount of pain you are dealt. Should you put your head down and take it? Or get out? You have to hold on since it is worse to lose your balance and fall off; the stalking cats are always baying for blood, making a man’s life a complex journey, where your one half is comfortable the other half is exposed to the forces that be.


The world over, men are bombarded with information on how best to live their lives; philosophies, disciplines, spiritual awareness, and a load more topics on social media, television, academics, and several other avenues, all offer opinions on what ought to be done and how best to do it. All these are akin to information wars, battle lines drawn on the edges of morality and perversity. A true test of grit and self-awareness.

Rarely talked about is the violence men are dealt in relationships. It does not necessarily have to be physical violence, which is rampant, but also emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and financial abuse. I believe all of us know or know of a man who is miserable in their relationships. You may wonder why they stay, and how they are trapped in these situations.

Nobody wants to live a miserable life, but it happens anyway. It is a common belief among men that once the cup is served to you, you’ve got to drink it. This mainly stems from the fear of failure and being labelled a coward. Rarely, do we witness a man admit to being abused in a relationship, yet there are countless cases where we end up salvaging what’s left once the storm blows over, mostly in the form of mental breakdown and accompanying consequences like drug abuse, crimes of passion, and suicide.

According to the University of Nairobi Research Archive, approximately, 329 men were victims of intimate partner homicide in the past year. We have to take into account that these numbers are mainly based on reported cases, painting a grim picture of the monster larking beyond the smokescreen of boy-child empowerment.

Nothing justifies violence in a relationship. It is high time we deconstructed the myth that men are usually the perpetrators of violence in a relationship. However, debunking this belief requires reflection and self-awareness among men. There are cases of men suffering the consequences for standing up for themselves, becoming casualties of the civil court and public ridicule. It becomes worse if the man in question is of a high public profile, making the blowback even worse. This discourages a lot of men from coming out as it may be equal to shooting oneself in the foot.  

Standing up for oneself is a necessity, and as a man bravery is mundane. Even though nobody wants to know what you go through, the ultimate act of cowardice is suffering in silence without the will to stand up for yourself and protect your dignity.

Men are naturally predisposed to battle, therefore, take advantage of this gift of nature and battle your demons, enjoy the war, and hold your head up. No matter what society expects of you, the most important thing is how you stay up as a man. God blesses the man who can hold his own!    


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