During my childhood, I was taught that a woman’s primary role was to bear and raise children as well as manage the family income as a wife. These traditional expectations were ingrained in me from a young age.
I grew up in a village where efforts to empower girls were just beginning. Till the time, boys consistently outperformed girls in our primary school but during my tenure, the tide began to turn.
The introduction of technology such as mobile phones in 1996 opened up new possibilities for us. My late grandmother frequently took the time to have heart-to-heart conversations with me about womanhood.
She shared stories about her life with my late grandfather, and how he made her feel valued and cherished among other women.
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“Fenadeta” (how she pronounced my name Benadeta) never settle for a man who is not in a position to provide,’’ She would tell me. It is worth noting that my grandfather was a polygamist but still managed to make my grandmother feel special in her own way.
Despite having another wife my grandmother never had to worry about her children’s school fees or where their next meal would come from.
My grandfather was able to fully provide for both households which is why marrying another woman was not a source of conflict. My grandparents had a good understanding of their respective roles which helped them avoid conflict.
They took their responsibilities seriously and as a result, there was no need for grand gestures such as flowers chocolates, or cupcakes on valentines day.
Instead, simple things like yams sweet potatoes, and arrow roots were enough to show their love and appreciation for each other.
‘’Fenadeta, always make sure that you serve your husband a piece of sweet potato in every meal.’’ She would say. According to her, sweet potatoes were supposed to remind men of the sweetness of love.
I often wonder what romance was like in those days, when simple things like arrow roots and yams could convey so much affection. Despite the many public displays of affection we see on social media today, I still feel something is missing from our society.
This leads me to the question of the day: What happened to our society?
Where did we go wrong in terms of our rules of engagement and duties?
It seems like we have lost something along the way, and I am not sure how to get it back. Perhaps we need to re-examine our priorities and remember the simple things that used to bring us joy and happiness.
United Nations has been keen on achieving gender equality and empowering all women and girls which is the 5th of the 17 UN’s sustainable development goals.
According to Global Gender Gap Report 2022, the Global gender gap has been closed by 68.1% with sub Saharan Africa bridging 68.7% of its gender gap.
While we work hard to close the gender gap, are we forgetting about traditional gender roles?Are we focusing too much on women and the girl child and neglecting the boy child and our men?
If we compare traditional gender roles to modern practices there are many gaps that need to be addressed. Traditionally men were expected to be breadwinners, leaders, and protectors but is this still the case today?
Perhaps we need to go back to our roots and reexamine our values and beliefs.
It is possible that our focus on gender equality has unintentionally caused men to take a back seat and watch.
Additionally, many families are unstable which can result in boys being raised by single mothers in the absence of their fathers, which can lead to a lack of strong male role models in their lives.
The current economic climate has also become challenging for everyone, leading some to adopt the ‘’every man/woman for himself/herself’’ mentality.
This can further exacerbate existing gender gaps and inequalities. It is also possible that the boy child has become spoiled and is no longer interested in taking his responsibilities seriously.
However, we also need to address the increasing number of cases of men committing suicide and killing their families. Is there a psychological gap that needs to be addressed to prevent these tragedies?
In many households, women have taken over the responsibility of feeding their families while men are comfortable with the fact that she is providing.
This shift in traditional gender roles has given women more power and autonomy.
Women are increasingly attending master classes and taking on high-level positions in society, Often surpassing men in these areas.
This aspect of self-sufficiency has allowed women to reevaluate their relationships with their husbands and partners which have caused discomfort in some marriages.
The increased power of independence of women has led to a redefinition of traditional gender roles, causing discomfort for some men who may feel threatened by this shift.
However, it is important to recognize and support women’s accomplishments and contributions to society.
It is unfortunate that there is a prevailing belief that women today are only interested in men who have money and resources, rather than genuine love and connection.
However, It is important to recognize that a man who is financially stable and responsible and who provides for his family is often respected and admired.
Where there may be some individuals who prioritize material wealth over emotional connections it is unfair and inaccurate to generalize this behavior to women.
Additionally, men who are able to provide for their families and secure stable employment are often admired and respected in society.
It is important to recognize that financial stability and responsibility are important traits in a partner, regardless of gender.
While it is unfair to make sweeping generalizations about women’s motivations, it is important to value and respect individuals who are able to provide for their families and contribute to society.
