Benjamin Zuluke, a Kenyan renowned life coach and Psychologist warns people about committing to relationships with others before sorting out their personal issues first.
When one does not address their personal issues first like childhood trauma and other underlying issues then they are prone to have an unhealthy or unstable relationship with their partner.
Benjamin Zuluke recognizes that not everyone has a good childhood. Some other people’s childhood may have been tough and hard on them however, that does not mean that they cannot be in a relationship.
Everybody deserves love including individuals with childhood trauma. Benjamin Zuluke encourages people to work on themselves first before going into a relationship.
He specifically emphasized the individual who had a struggling mother and a father who abandoned the family.
Effects on the men
If the men do not deal with their trauma. The men will suffer by overcompensating for other troubled women’s needs over their own. Attempting to help them and rescue them, the way they would have wished to do to their mothers when they needed help. The principle of reciprocity in relationships is violated as a result you end up attracting Codependent and unstable women into your life.
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“If as a man you grew up with a mother who was struggling and abandoned by your dad, watch out for this dynamic. You may grow to be subconsciously over compensate by taking care of troubled women in an attempt to rescue them the way you wished to rescue your mother. You violate the principles of reciprocity in healthy relationships, You abandon your own needs and fail to question the state of mind of that woman. You don’t ask yourself if she can function in a healthy relationship or give you what you need. As a result, you attract highly codependent and unstable women” Benjamin posted on his Instagram page.
Effects on women
According to Benjamin Zuluke if women do not deal with this trauma they will either be super independent and resent depending on a man or They will be overly dependent on a man in which they will always be afraid of the man leaving them. Bearing in mind that if he leaves you, you will struggle as your mother did.
“ If you are a woman and you grew up seeing your mother struggling alone, You will swing in either of two opposites you will become super independent and resent depending on a man, or you will latch onto a man and cling to him fearful that if they leave you too, will struggle like your mother did.” Benjamin posted
To prevent the above cases from happening he provided a solution which is self-growth and therapy. One should also process the experience they had in their childhood in order for them to heal.
