‘I gave my 13-year-old her first phone—What happened next changed everything‘
Let us take off this plane on an emotional high.
My firstborn daughter was on her first night away from home. A three-day school trip. And I was a certified emotional wreck.
She is only thirteen. So yes, my mind was spiralling. I had promised her a phone when she turned fifteen, but her school fast-tracked the decision by making it a requirement for the trip. I had no choice but to cave.
As a responsible parent, I didn’t just get any phone. I got one with good specs. Because photos and memories matter. Since she is still a minor, I set it up under my email. After a long back-and-forth with her mum, we agreed not to add any restrictions. We would wait and see how the three days would go.
But I made it clear — and made sure she heard me — we would have a proper sit-down once she got back. I also told her, much to her displeasure, that the phone was technically mine until further notice.
Let me just say it. I was a scatterbrain the day she left. But you know what? I silently thanked the gods of technology. Unlike my generation of public phone booths and flexing over landlines, this one is blessed. By nine in the morning, she had already called me twice with updates. Her mum had a similar call log until she had to remind her that work meetings are not exactly phone-call friendly.
Then came the twist. Around ten in the morning, photos started popping up on my WhatsApp. I hadn’t even set up the app for her. But the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. She is tech-savvy and has a keen eye for photos. The pictures of Thomson Falls and Ol Pejeta Conservancy? Stunning. Proper travel content.
Then the masterstroke. She created a WhatsApp group. Named it Mum and Dad. Guess who the only members were? My wife called me immediately. We didn’t even talk. We just laughed. Hard.
But let us pause on Nailantei for a moment and talk about letting go. I am new to this. Letting your child fly is no walk in the park. You always want to be there, to stay close, to remain their go-to person. Their ultimate backup.
The challenge is that their need for independence grows by the day. That tension becomes very real, especially between fathers and daughters, and mothers and sons. I should know. I was my mother’s son, may her soul rest in eternal peace. So I get it. Which leaves me asking: how do I let go and still feel like I am doing this parenting thing right? How do I know when to step in and when to back off? Because this kind of freedom can be overwhelming, even for the boldest soul.
Back to the phone. That glowing rectangle felt like a rite of passage. I’ve heard enough opinions to fill a comment section. The common worry among my fellow millennials is that younger generations are too glued to their screens. That they are losing social skills. That their phones are raising them.
Two friends told me they had installed monitoring apps on their kids’ phones. These apps track usage, block sites, and limit screen time. Fair enough. But I also went straight to the source — a Gen Z girl. Her verdict? Parents overthink. She said if a kid wants to bypass restrictions, they will. Her advice was simple: Trust us a little. It builds more responsibility than you think.
Let me just say, I’m still collecting opinions before I summon Nailantei for that very necessary post-trip conversation.
But all this brings me to the bigger question: Does technology bring us closer, or drive us apart?
Let us circle back to my daughter. Yes, she is reading this. She’s a gadget person through and through. When she is online, she’s usually coding or doing something math-related. I love that about her. But I still ask — is this constant screen connection a blessing or a ticking time bomb?
We are parenting in the middle of a digital revolution. I got my first phone at twenty-one. A gift from my sister. Strictly calls and texts. No internet. I won’t even mention the experiments I tried back in the day, like the attempted charging of a watch battery directly from a socket. Wild times.
After high school, I ran a small village photography business with a Kodak manual camera. Film. Negatives. Darkroom drama. I recently showed my kids some of those photos. They laughed like I had pulled them from a museum.
But here’s the truth: parenting is evolving. Fast. I’d be lying to myself if I thought I could raise my children the way I was raised. The world is spinning too quickly for that.
Today’s parents aren’t just raising children. We’re raising digital citizens. We’re guiding them through life while helping them navigate screens, algorithms, group chats, and digital identities. We’re juggling trust and control, freedom and safety, analogue memories and pixel-perfect timelines.
We don’t have all the answers. We never did.
But if there’s anything this school trip taught me, it’s that children — even in the age of gadgets and Google — still want connection. They just express it differently now. Maybe that WhatsApp group, the surprise photo drops, the check-in calls — maybe that was her way of saying, I’m growing up, but I still want you close.
And maybe that’s the core of parenting today.
Staying close. Even as we learn to let go.
About the author:
Kibisu Mulanda is a media executive and strategic communicator with over 20 years of experience in television, NGO storytelling, and youth-focused content. He is the Acting Head of Switch Media Ltd and teaches media at the Kenya Institute of Mass Communication (KIMC). A Certified SIYB Trainer, he blends storytelling with strategy to drive social impact.
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